Facebook: The Idiot Magnet

There is no denying that Facebook, in all its technological totalitarianism, is one of the most significant creations of however many years, (and I do stress my use of the word ‘of’ rather than ‘in’ in an attempt not to undermine other significant creations that pose an equal, if not greater, impression on the world). However, with its usefulness set aside, let us acknowledge the second face of this Janus-like creature. Since its inception it has also emerged as one of the great evils and annoyances in the modern world. Now don’t worry, I don’t intend to rehash one of the now age-old arguments on internet safety (put a lock on it, or don’t publish it at all – how hard can it be?), I intend to rehash another problem that Facebook seems to attract. And I’m going to pounce upon it like a pigeon on a chip. I talk, of course, of the idiot users of Facebook.

          Now I use that term exclusively; I do not mean ‘users’ in a universal sense, I mean to emphasise the users of Facebook who are, fundamentally, imbeciles. Obviously not all users are idiots and everyone knows who these imbeciles are. These idiots manifest themselves in a plethora of forms; there is the “I’m so deep and brooding only song lyrics can successfully convey how deep and brooding I really am” idiot, the “I’m angry/sad and although I have broadcasted this on Facebook I cannot, in fact, inform you as to why I feel this way” idiot (also known as the sympathy-baiter), the “I’m going to tell you literally every turn, twist and event encompassed in my day whether you like it or not” idiot and the “behold my incredibly unfunny and pathetically stupid post that I think emphasises what I believe to be intelligence and wit but is really just a misplaced and undeserved self-assurance” idiot, to name but a few.

          Every Facebook user will, at some point in their time on the website, have come in to contact with most, if not all, of these idiots. It was my encounter, for example, with a sympathy-baiter not five minutes ago that compelled me to write this. The baiter in question simply wrote that they were angry, with multiple exclamation marks to further emphasise their emotion just in case some people were compelled to brush past their post and therefore not afford them the attention they, evidently, so badly crave. Alas though! Praise be to Allah! A comment! An enquirer! “What’s wrong?” the chivalrous and attentive comment reads. We wait patiently for our response and it finally arrives: “nothing, I can’t tell you.” And humanity weeps, asking where it went so wrong.

          The biggest shame is that we can do nothing to prevent these idiots from taking over; we must simply grin and bear it. In a sense, this post writes itself. It could potentially continue in a Penrose triangle of continuation. There is, and will continue to be, a never-ending supply of idiots to litter our news feeds until the demise of life as we know it, or at least until it regenerates into another internet-based craze. Until then comrades, stay strong. 

Role Models or, An Excuse To Write About Christopher Hitchens

Most profound apologises yet again for my lack of blogging over the past month or so; naturally would I put it down to my busy lifestyle, but then I realised that it was more to do with the fact that I have just simply got progressively lazier, and that my lifestyle can be described with a multitude of adjectives, but busy certainly is not one of them. Alas, I am back.

          As I sit at my desk writing this there is, in front of me, a copy of Christopher Hitchens’ Autobiography Hitch-22: A Memoir. Now for those of you not currently aware of the life and work of this great man, get exploring. I promise you, he certainly won’t leave you bored. Christopher Hitchens or Hitch as he was affectionately referred to, was an Anglo-American author, essayist and journalist who, amongst other things, was world renowned for his confrontational style of debate, often on the subject of religion, of which he had a famous disgust for; writings such books as The Missionary Position, a scything critique of Mother Teresa and perhaps his most famous book God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything, which I read a couple of years ago and which helped me to affirm my religious non-beliefs by pretty much listing everything I thought was wrong with world religion. I felt like he was on my page (pun intended). In fact, it is from his religious critiques that the quote “that which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence” is taken from; forever one of my favourites.

          Now, whilst writing his autobiography, that which is sat in front of me, he was diagnosed with stage-four esophageal cancer (his never-faltering quick wit and humour always led him to point out that there was no stage-five). It is strange reading the book knowing that when the author was writing it, he was dying, and had no idea himself. It was this, or rather the pneumonia he developed as a result of this, which unfortunately took his life on 16^th December 2011. On that day the world lost a great writer, public speaker and all-round gifted intellectual.

          ‘Woah’ you may be saying, ‘this is a bit deep for this guy; he normally talks about noisy neighbours or University life or something. This is bullcrap.’ Well that may be so but I thought that this week I would use this platform to tell you about my favourite writer. As self-indulgent as it may seem, there is logic and reasoning concealed behind it. As an English student, and a keen writer, I consider people like Christopher Hitchens, as well as George Orwell, Cormac McCarthy, Ian Fleming and John Le Carre as my literary heroes. I say this because last week I read an article that suggested that we shouldn’t have ‘heroes,’ that we should do everything of our own accord. The blatant stupidity and arrogance of such an article makes me angry that so many people like that are working regularly, whereas some incredibly talented people struggle on their arses.

          I think people need role models to get a sense of perspective in their lives; whether their role model may be such flesh-wastes as Nicki Minaj and Lady Gaga, any or all members of the members of sickly One Direction, or terrible, just oh so terrible ‘actors’ such as Hugh Grant, Hayden Christensen or Kirstin Dunst, role-models give people inspiration. Feel free to tell me who your role models are in a comment below if you like. 

            A long history of journalism and writing for public consumption allowed for that journalist to write that article and so for him to dismiss any kind of influence on himself or the people around him shows, frankly, an obscene arrogance and mis-placed self-assurance that I find hard to comprehend, even on a basic humanistic plain. I won’t even get started on an article that was brought to my attention the other day entitled “Why One Direction are Better Than Beatles.”

          So some people may find this post boring (to be honest, I bet most people saw the title and strayed away), so some people may dismiss this blog out of hand for the foreseeable future. I’m not bothered, they can do that. If you however have read this far, if you are intrigued about Hitch’s work, about where this post was going but are now bored and feeling betrayed, or even if you thought you’d read it because you have nothing better to do, I thank you. I thank you for indulging me just this once. Normal service will resume next week, I promise.